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11 January 2013 @ 08:54 pm
Nothing but trouble? ........no  

lol I don't think that many people go to LJ anymore. I'm really trying to come back though. It's not that I don't want to, it's more because posting things on LJ used to take SO MUCH TIME that I'm scared to post something new. But it seems that it's better now so I should let go of my trauma (lol) and move on. 

Speaking of moving on, I've been having dramatic confessions lately (ROFL!!! ok no they aren't dramatic at all) so I guess I'll say one that is LJ friendly (don't know what that means either lol). So I pre-ordered my copy of NEWS' newest con and since it gets released on my birthday, I thought it would be an awesome present to get from mom so I told her about it and she agreed to buy it for me. I'm already going to get so many presents for my birthday only because a lot of those presents are christmas presents that didn't get here on time (such as three DVDs and some other goods). LOL Well they won't be shipped until next week so I won't have them until the 26th or 27th of this month. I can just hold on to them until my birthday and then open them. So my brother is buying me some Little Alice goods......well, more like all the goods that are on the webshop. Truthfully, I am feeling rather spoiled. Dad is buying me Tegomass' third con DVD and I'm buying myself KAT-TUN's newest single plus the NEWS' Chankapana CD box set. The Tegomass, KT, and NEWS stuff won't get here until after my birthday since I still haven't ordered them and I want to buy them together so that it's a less shipping price.

I will be getting so many things but at the same time, I can't feel really happy. Tomorrow is the last day that I'll be home. I don't want to leave though. I don't want to go back to uni. It's not that it's difficult. Really, if only I had a normal life then I would be excited to go back to uni. But that's not my case. I'm tired all the time from all the work that I'm doing. And it's not like I can quit because my life and my family's future is at stake. No, I'm not being dramatic. At least those of you who know me personally, know what I'm talking about. Anyways, I wish I could just have the life I wished for in uni. Joining academic competitions, joining many organizations and studying. That's the life I wanted. Instead, I'm working at least four hours every day even though it's my break and I had so many conference calls and emails to send. It doesn't feel like a break. 

So I don't want to leave home. I want to have a day where I don't have to worry about what will happen tomorrow, who will be the next victim. I'm tired of having to wake up in the middle of the night and make calls so that an innocent person's life does not get ruined. Yes, I'm doing great things. I'm helping save lives but I shouldn't be if only this stupid government would stop this unfair human cruelty. 

Ah but that's too much to wish for. I have a higher chance of my wish coming true if I wished for me to get my hearing back from my left ear. But anyways, before this gets entry gets too personal, I actually just wanted to talk about some other things. Oh that's right, about moving on. lol So while ordering NEWS' con, I had the sudden urge to pre-order D-DATE's con DVD too. It would have been perfect actually since they are both released on the same day. I only ordered NEWS' though. Why? Well, I guess this is me moving on from the fandom. I think it's a great step in a way since they haven't released any CDs or DVDs until now so it didn't really feel like I left the fandom because I have all their CDs and their first con DVD. But I moved on. I feel free in a way. Wow, that sounded a bit wrong. I don't feel regret from being in the fandom. It brought me some happiness. Though I can't say that "they saved my life because I was so depressed.....etc etc," I can say that they brought a momentary distraction from stress. (plus I'm not depressed and haven't been even with all of this going on) I feel no bitter feelings for the fans that drove me out of the fandom anymore either. I feel great actually! Maybe one day I'll support Seto again. Probably not like before but I do wish to support him in the future if I ever get the chance. 

That being saiddddddddd, I want to try something new. I've never had a new year's resolution so I want to try it out and hopefully I'll make it come true. I won't ask for the impossible so I'll ask for something I want to change about me. So for this year, I want to keep moving on from whatever hurts me and I can avoid. There are some things that I can't escape from no matter how much I try but there are plenty of things that I can definitely move on from. I want to move on and not even think about my relatives. The pain, the physical harm, the nightmares they've cause me, I will never forget or forgive but I want to erase their existence from my mind. I'll move on and not dwell on that painful past. I want to move on from clinging to people that bring me pain. If someone annoys me or hurts me, I want to stop talking to the person. They are not worth it. I want to move on from any fandom that causes me stress. Again, it's not worth it. I want to move on and change who I am. I want to improve. I want to become a person who is stronger.

Well, after saying, er typing, all of this, I feel better now. Even if it's just a bit. Oh I hope I can make some gifs soon. I have a mac now so it's pretty different from my other computer. I'm still figuring out things here. 

LOL ok I was going to add a Manpei gif but since No Matter Who You Are just started playing on my iPod, I'll post a seto gif instead. XD
Sometimes, I feel like I'm not completely over Seto. XD Though I'm not fangirling right now. I just think he is cute. lol Anyways, I chose this gif because.......well it's an inside joke between me......and myself. ROFL!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh I need to talk to my friends more often. I keep doing things on my own (like fangirling). It gets pretty lonely sometimes. 

I'm going to start fangirling this cutie in a bit so join me if you want? XD lol ok yeah I know that won't work. ugh time zonesssss~~~~
I'll just fangirl him on my own until brother comes home from work and then we can play some video games. 
Oh and speaking of brother, tomorrow we are having an early birthday celebration for the two of us. XD His birthday is on the 18th and mine is on the 30th but since I won't be home again this year because of uni, mom will celebrate our birthdays together tomorrow. I already have brother's birthday present ready. XD It got here yesterday. I guess that would be a good ending for my winter break. I just hope that I won't have any emergency calls tomorrow like how I did today......and the other days -____-

So, I'll fangirl some tegomass next time~~~ HAVE Y'ALL WATCHED RESIDENT?????!!!!!!!! MASSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! I just want to hug him and never let him go!!! 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Take@chance by miwa
kurikuribebikurikuribebi on January 12th, 2013 04:33 am (UTC)
Just passing through, but I think your layout and gifs are cute =)

Also, LJ is definitely coming back to life, so welcome back, now that you said you were returning =)
setolovesetolove on January 14th, 2013 02:27 am (UTC)
awww thank you! :3 lol though I didn't make them but they are nice ne~

Yes, I think it is! It used to be so lively on my f-list but now it's a bit quiet. I think it was mainly because it was pretty difficult to post here but now it's better. Thanks! I'll definitely be here more often!
kurikuribebikurikuribebi on January 14th, 2013 03:53 pm (UTC)
Oh you didn't? Ah well, sorry then^^;;; Whoever made them has talent!